dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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