I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
