Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
