the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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