please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
