I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
