im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
