I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
