I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
