During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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