For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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