you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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