My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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