I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if only i could text you this smell
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
