I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
