He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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