i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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