Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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