New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
