My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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