you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
