you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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