Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
