somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
