you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
