Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
