but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
