sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
