i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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