why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
