There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
