Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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