bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Girls should come with a carfax report
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
