Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
