Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
