Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
