honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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