I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
