I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think people are normalizing furries
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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