I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
