I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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