Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
