She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
