She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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