I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
