Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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