I like to think it a success when the cops are called
grandma shit on top of the toilet
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
