i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is wine microwaveable?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
