When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
