if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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