I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
