Where is the hickey?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
