we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
