belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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