Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
