I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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