I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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