just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
