hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
