I think I died a long time ago.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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