I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
