When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
