You can't special order awesome
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
