After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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