And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
