I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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