I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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