Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
