I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
