is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
