You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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