just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
