There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
